Assignment #8 - Andrea Dubon - yay insecurities!

Writing territories
fears - not being successful or at least achieving some of my longterm goals, losing my family, honestly being alienated or growing apart form my friends, being unremarkable or boring
annoyances - pretentiousness and then not being able to back it up, arguing for the sake of arguing "devils advocate", dishonesty/fakeness, apathy. getting unjustly charged with a crime, being a bad parent, indecisiveness

accomplishments - i mean i'm still alive so thats pretty good, made some good relationships with my friends, not to flex but my glasses prescription hasn't worsened in 4 years.

confusions - why we don't allocate our resources better to provide the word with equal footing on basic human needs, math, why people feel the need to lie about petty things

sorrows - not living life as it is now and missing out on greta experiences (fomo), having a desk job that i hate, not having good family relationships, hate for other people with superficial bases like religion, ethnicity, race, sexual orientation, envy

dreams - working long and hard enough to provide for a big and happy family, repaying my parents for all they've done for me, have endothermic heating in my house (fantastic investment),  retiring early enough to be heavily involved with my kids and grandkids (i'm gonna be so irritating),

idiosyncrasies - doesn't happen as often as i'd like it to but once i get started organizing i have to finish (mainly at 3 am) whether it be; books, my room, filing paper , etc, i can't go to sleep without going through a ten minute skincare routine, if i don't know the answer to a question i have to google it or else i can't continue with my action, i ABHOR, to the highest degree, bugs. i understand they have a purpose in the ecosystem but some of the like GNATS have no reason for existence except to bother me, meaning that i will not be in a sane state of mind if i don't kill a bug thats next to me.

risks - being to involved in school and not enjoying my youth, accidentally not reciprocating kindness to others because i'm oblivious

beloved possessions, now and then - my box of childhood memories, baby photos of me and my family in honduras, my phone and computer where i house my recent photos of my friends and family, my friends and family.

problems - based on the time stamp of this - procrastination, pride, distractions, being indecisive, not being as polite as i'd like to be, not being concise in my writing and speech, not going after what i want or taking as much risks as i'd like to.

For as long as i've known i've wanted to build a family. whether that ends up being a band of friends i've made, marrying into a big family, or having lots of kids ii've always craved that sense of loyalty and community that you get with family. Stemming from this comes my fear of being alone , not that i don't enjoy my own company but i love entertaining and being around other people. I'm concerned that i don't reach out to my friends as much as i should and that i'm not as affectionate as i want to be. I could live with not having the cushiest job or house or whatever but not having people to talk to and be with would be unbearable. In attempts to sway this away from me being insecure to a lighthearted rant i'm going to tell you about how much i hate apathetic people. Like it's one thing for you to have an opinion on what your favorite fruit is but it's completely different to think that certain people shouldn't have basic human rights or that they are less than for superficial reasons. Or people choosing themselves instead of others based on the excuse of "why should i help them?" like i should not have to explain to you why you should care about the well being of other human beings. Along with this i think that complacency is just as bad as being an antagonist because your just standing by while appalling things happen and saying that it's fine because your not involved and not actively causing injury. Hopefully everything i've written has made some sort of sense but sorry for it's organization cause this has turned into a rant.