When I was a toddler, around the ages of two through four, I developed problems with certain social and motor skills, eye contact being one of them, as is common for young children with autism. When someone ever spoke to me or looked at me, or even if I was interacting with them in general, I avoided making direct eye contact; opting instead to look at my hands or the floor or simply into space. The way I remember it, I would always feel a strange tension whenever I chose to focus directly on someone's eyes. The break they created in the relatively homogeneous nature of the rest of the face made them seem very conspicuous to me, meaning that me looking at them always meant me staring and squinting at them, which was of course very uncomfortable due to the applied tension and prolonged exposure to air. I remember telling my dad, when he tried to prompt me about it, that it "hurt to look at people's eyes." I always just decided to look away from other people's faces altogether.
In 1999, HBO produced a tv and video special based on the "Goodnight Moon" children's book. The film featured multiple animated bedtime stories and nursery rhymes interlaced with interviews from young children about topics related to sleeping, dreams, and bedtime. One of these interviews was conducted with a blind kid, who spoke about sleeping and dreaming while blind. He also touched on the topic of social interaction in general, considering how important it is for most people to make eye contact. He described "looking" at other people while being unable to see them and having his own eyes closed. He said that it was as if his eyes emitted "little sparks" that everyone else wanted to receive and return, even though he couldn't see them. Seeing this as an opportunity to teach me about eye contact, my dad told me one day when we were both watching to "give them sparks" whenever I spoke to people. After that, I began to develop a better habit of keeping eye contact, as I could visualize what I was doing in my head and give myself a reason not to stop. My dad's advice probably changed my life more than I can realize even now.
interesting
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