Assignment 20: How to Win the Presidential Debate | Evan Winkler

Becoming the president is a task that takes great skill and precision, and the best way to show it is in the presidential debates. However, many candidates make certain missteps and misjudgments that end up costing them the election. Sometimes, being forced to stand and talk about politics for two hours straight without moving causes some people to lose their composure. However, American citizens will never vote for a man with anything less than perfect charisma. Therefore, there are some things you must never do if you want a future in politics.

1) Don't feel sick. Weeks before the first televised debate in 1960, Republican candidate Richard Nixon sliced his leg on a car door and had to be hospitalized until just in time for the debate. Because he was still recovering, he came under visible physical stress during the debate, and viewers were convinced that Kennedy was the winner.
2) Don't Sweat. Because Nixon was still dealing with the effects of an intense laceration, he still had something of a fever, and sweated under the heated incandescent stage lights, wiping his face with his handkerchief a few times. Viewers were underwhelmed by Nixon feeling the temperature of the room, compared to Kennedy's spectacular ability to have no fever. So if you ever feel sweaty on the debate stage, be a man and hold it in.
3) Don't answer loaded questions. During the 1988 debate, the moderator asked Democratic candidate and longtime opponent of the death penalty, Michael Dukakis, "if [your wife] were raped and murdered, would you support the death penalty for the killer?" Dukakis made the mistake of being consistent with his answers and sticking to his principles, and answered "No." Viewers took his response as too cold and not sad enough. His decision not to make an exception to his beliefs for his wife cost him the election and secured victory for Republican candidate George H.W. Bush.
4) Don't look at your watch. During the 1992 election cycle, it was George Bush's turn to be too honest. During the first debate, he looked at his watch multiple times, which many viewers saw as disrespectful. Remembering his schedule and thinking about other parts of his life were too much for viewers to tolerate, and Bush lost the election to Bill Clinton. Whenever you run for president, be sure not to get bored at two hours of old men talking about taxes.
5) Don't sigh. The Bush family would get their revenge when the former president's son, George W. Bush, faced off against Clinton's VP, Al Gore. During the debate, Gore sighed a few times while taking notes, which is something that no normal person would ever do during an argument. Bush, on the other hand, pretended to never be frustrated once, and won the debate and the election.

And, most importantly:
6) Come up with witty one-liners. Whether you pre-prepare it or do it on the fly, nothing shows the soundness of an argument more than a profitable bumper sticker quote. In 2016, Jeb Bush was unable to compete with lines like "I'm at 42 and you're at 3" from Donald Trump, and Ronald Reagan blew the crowd away with lines like "there you go again" and "I will not exploit my opponent's youth and inexperience." Remember, the average American has no idea what an "entitlement projection" is or where the "Senkaku Islands" are, and need creative catchphrases to feel informed when they vote.

If you follow these guidelines, you will surely be one finger away from that world-ending button as soon as you start your campaign.